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Self-destruct buttons are ‘a needless risk’
A health and safety watchdog has condemned self-destruct buttons as ‘dangerous and completely pointless’ in a review for the government published this week. The watchdog concluded that including a...
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James Bond resigns from MI5 citing ‘too much paperwork’
James Bond, the secret agent formerly known as 007, has resigned from MI5, citing excessive paperwork, political correctness and boring villain’s lairs as making his life as a government assassin...
View ArticleCorbyn and Trump to be exchanged at midnight on Glienicke Bridge
Right-wing sleeper ‘Jezzer’ Corbyn and left-wing sleeper Donald ‘Lenin’ Trump are to be exchanged on the Glienicke Bridge connecting Potsdam with Berlin, following intense diplomatic manoeuvres....
View ArticleProfumo shagged Nazis and Communists – what a legend!
GQ magazine has nominated deceased Tory War Minister, John Profumo, as ‘Shagger of the Year’, for his total commitment to getting his end away with a variety of spies. Unconcerned by partisan politics...
View ArticleRussia realises there are easier ways of killing people
The Russian secret service, known these days as the FSB, says an internal inquiry has led them to conclude they’re killing people in unnecessarily fancy and showoffy ways. “I blame the James Bond...
View ArticlePutin: If I wanted someone dead, they would be DEAD
While conspiracy theories surround the attempted assassination of spy Sergei Skripal, the Russian President was keen to emphasize that he would not be so incompetent to use out-of-date nerve agent, a...
View ArticleRussia claims Thomas Cook responsible for Skripal poisoning
Russian President, Vladimir Putin, has interceded in the controversy about the Novichok poisoning in Salisbury earlier this year. ‘Salisbury is a holiday destination, Thomas Cook is a holiday firm,...
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